The Ween

At the time of writing these words, it is Halloween.  Of course, for you it is probably the day after, unless you are one of those sneaky West Coasters who jump on the page after 9PM PST.  (And judging from our stats, there’s a heck of a lot of you.  Shoo!  You should be out shaking down the neighbors for candy, or being thus shaken down, depending on age and/or disposition.)

I thought that Halloween would be the perfect time to go out and get some cheap pumpkins — figured they would be on sale.  I can always use cheap pumpkins. Nothing says “headshot” like a blood-filled pumpkin blown to bits. But I went off to the store at nine in the morning — and the pumpkins were gone!  Carted away the previous evening. Only Christmas stuff up now. Missed my chance. Fortunately, I did buy a couple earlier, just in case.

At least Halloween means that I can wear my Kingdom Come Superman-emblem tee shirt.  I loved the Alex Ross graphic novel of a grumpy old Supes with graying hair and a crotchety disposition back when it first came out, and now that my own hair is gray I like it even more. (Crotchety disposition goes without saying.) So when I saw the tee-shirt at Comic-Con I had to buy it.

Problem is, I’ve discovered that if you’re actually in any sort of shape, you cannot wear superhero-emblem tee-shirts without coming off as a total douche.  You really can’t.

If you are on the hefty side (and God knows, I’ve been there plenty and probably will be again) or if you are thin as a rail, then no problem.  Don your Nightwing-emblem tee and everyone will smile indulgently and embrace you as the geek you are.  But if you even slightly appear to have gone to the gym recently, then such garments are not for you.  You best stick to My Little Pony shirts, and be prepared to be high-fived by fellow Bronies.

I’m certainly not implying that I have anything remotely close to a physique that could be mistaken for Supes, even in a dim light.  But a couple years back my wife started to get concerned about my health, and she did have some justification, so I made the effort to lose some weight and get some regular exercise.  And as a result, my Kingdom Come shirt has hung sad and forlorn in the closet.

But not today.  Today is Halloween, and I get to wear my Supes shirt!  It’s part of my Halloween costume.

I’m going as a douche.

Bob out.

Artist’s Notes:  Here we see Fynch slip from sight.  Cops arrive at the scene but they’re distracted by the panicked bank patrons pouring into the street.  The only possible witness are on the nearby sidewalk (panels 2 and 3).  Not sure if any readers notice details like this but you can kinda make out that one of the guys on the sidewalk is blind and the other two are engrossed in their own budding sexualities and have engaged in a spontaneous flirtation.  So, clean getaway for our criminal mastermind.  -Max